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Ash
28 June 2014 @ 12:57 am
i'm getting cold sweats and it's 12:48 am. i've finished my first year as a degree student and lemme tell u that the universe does not want me to settle down. i still don't have a residence for my second year and idk i think the issue could get a little resolved once i get my driving license---at least i can go home easily toot sweet. all in good time, i'm redoing my lectures this sunday which is also the start of ramadhan like wtf i'm spending my first day of ramadhan in driving school like??????? anyways, i need to keep focus on what i should do this holiday by setting realistic goals:

first month:
1) get a fuckin driving license
2) survive ramadhan
3) maybe like lose some weight idk how that's even possible for ramadhan
4) buy some pretty clothes

second month:
1) get a job maybe volunteer work or private tutoring
2) exercise. or dance.
3) learn makeup

that's pretty much it.
i think it's pretty well done.

so far, it's been a week since my last paper, and i've been watching bob's burgers and reading manga hahahahaha is this the ideal situation? well, i'm moving on okay? hopefully, nothing but progress from here on out. the only thing i need to live for during the holiday is korra season 3 and i'm vehemently praying that it doesn't suck as season 1. p.s. i'm getting anxiety dreams again. i'm in holiday and i'm getting anxiety dreams oyyyyy
 
 
Ash
23 April 2013 @ 10:46 pm
i heard some people hate alliteration?
idk i think it's kind of awesome whatevs.

i've watched life of pi (finally) and goodness the movie made me go through a minor existential crisis, i couldn't study properly because of it, but it does confirm my love for suraj sharma so good job for me. and i just watched three eps of the mindy project in a row and hahahahaha some parts are just so gpoy and yet i constantly remind myself that i need to open myself to people.

it's sort of 2.40 am now and i need to get up early to spend my book voucher so i'll have a short intermission on this blog post as i'm still downloading a pretty HD version of legend of korra. nites.

-

i'm only updating a day later?
sooooo me.
anywho, i've been contemplating either to move back dorm but i'm getting to comfy at home now and i bought ice-cream but i can't study here ughhh i'm conflicted but i can't even go thru one damn organic chem video i'm currently hating myself but i can't stop.
Tags: ,
 
 
Ash
21 October 2012 @ 11:47 am
well fuck.

a lot of things just happened. fell apart.
or falling into place.
i've been saying that i can't do medic for a long time. i know i'd crack soon under it. and it's not like i'm limiting myself. absolutely not. but would i hang paying back a full scholarship for it? i'm not taking the risk. i'm hoping that i'd take my past english lecturer's class again so i could ask him for career options. especially to teach english and/or works in psychology or social politics.

though envy started to crop out again. it's a weed of a sin but idk i just have this feeling that i want to be equal with these smart people but i also know that they're not as well informed in general information and world development. it surprised me sometimes how shallow their knowledge were. and i'm not trying to shade them. i am genuinely surprised that they do not know. which bothers me with the conclusion: do they even enjoy learning and not the process of regurgitating back what you memorize in academia but just learning about the world in earnest. i sort of realized that i'm probably the few who gives a damn about it in my program because when i asked one of our speakers during a workshop about how is it like to live in a foreign country and never mentioning once about studying and things of that sorts, people were shocked that i could think of a question like that. though, isn't it natural? 

ugh. is that too much ~special snowflake~*~ issue because i don't wanna be that.
i'm just trying to comprehend why people plugged in books and media and movies and never seem to just want to know if Germany is landlocked country (it's not: it borders the baltic and eastern? coast).

well. okay. that's my life.
i'm actually pretty crazy for writing this down because i got a shitload of tutorial and three subjects from three different courses i need to learn before i head back to dorm tomorrow.

my parents are asking me to stay a little permanently at my dorm
but i have to say: i'm afraid.
i get so lonely there and sure, there's friends right next door but i'm afraid that if i stay there long enough, i might just hit depression. and it seemed bipolar that i hate interacting with people and all but when you clock back in and no one's there, it's kinda bummed out.

i'm shuddering to think about how it is like to live alone.
ah ah ah well.

moving on.
saladin: omg shit just got real all over the place and behram oh poor thing and duncan-sal brotp noooo and tariq awwww
adventure time: the marceline-ice king episode. don't get me started.
k: omg suoh mikoto's voice i can turn into a puddle fanning myself and everything why won't he have more lines dammit. not here for kuro-shiro but super interested in the clans and how they work
gravity falls: mabel stays hbic.




 
 
Feeling: tired
Listening To: Madness, Muse
 
 
Ash
29 September 2012 @ 01:26 am
i forgot most of the things we did.
i can't recall most of our conversations, and how we got so close and why'd we trust each other so much.
i remember the cockroach incident, the lizard incident and the competitions we went together.
but i can't recall how we got close.
that's all.
it's just like you've always been there.
like there's nothing much to it.
but it made all the difference.
it's like high school didn't happen.
it's funny to think the things we thought we could do back then. anything was possible.
i wanted to be the most wonderful things.
then we grew up. we learnt worries that became our daily backpack. we learnt responsibility and we learnt the value of money. we learnt that not all people are worth your time, trust and attention.
we just grew up. and i grew up never knowing how to be reckless.
to say that i regret it, can't say i did. i saved a lot of anxiety from troubles but i wish i was just a little---just a little braver. anything to be a little braver. it would save a lot of wonder.
but i remembered how we became friends.
and we bond over similar things but we still had different interests. still different people. i'd listen. i listen a lot.
thinking back, we all were a little selfish in high school. it's funny. how two years make us like this.
 
 
Feeling: nostalgic
Listening To: Over, Epik High
 
 
Ash

I'm having holiday withdrawal syndrome.
Going back to my dorm tomorrow, sister is leaving for KL and my finals are coming up. I'm kind of hyperventilating.
Why am I so easily anxious?
At least I'm downloading Gravity Falls and oh goodness the dark humor in this. I'm currently loving the onslaught of clever, dark cartoons on TV these days but...is it good for the kids? Ah, eff it. I'm watching this. And I really absolutely want to watch Paranorman. Like need to.

Whoa, at the Trig tutorial I'm not doing. Frankly, I don't care anymore. Actually, my whole body is jittery and I'm unsure if it's the stres or the teh tarik I drank in the morning. Ahaha, my life. Also, I'm bring such an internet creep because I'm trying to make friends on the internet but I can't help it, I'm bored.

Oooooo, story gush!

Cold bodies were falling and I felt the warmth of blood seeping into the grass. Phobos was a few feet from me and I saw his face, splattered with blood, turning around. His voice broke when he addressed the air, "What are we doing?"

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Llax6eXFjjM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Daesung's part. Fanning myself tbh.

 
 
Feeling: stressed as effnits eff
Listening To: Cafe, Bigbang
 
 
 
Ash
21 August 2012 @ 11:17 pm
Oh my God.
Dad's gonna kill me on how much I used the Internet tonight.
TONIGHT.

I watched The Mummy and oh goodness, here's some blerghs:
1. The clothes are legitimately wearable in today's trend, I aint' kidding.
2. Goodness the Dude with the Glasses had the most flimsiest glasses, he can't be that blind.
3. Why can't they just bring cats around them like chihuahua totebags?
4. JOHNATHAN WHY?
5. What the eff happened to Brendan Fraser?

...


I need to finish my stupid Trig tutorial. Oh Trig, my downfall.
Instead, I change my Tumblr theme and finally decided to 1001 things I suddenly felt like doing.
Plus: I'm so glad that I'm back home. It gives me a breather from constantly being surrounded by people. By people, I meant like a lot of people. (So happy not to to see dudes, too.)

I really wanna do these following fanarts now:
Eyes Like Stars
The Mummy
Saladin

wfwfejnfonfoignggwenfwofn I hate it. I have so many things to do.
Bless my Mum for making teh tarik tonight.

Not gonna sleep until 2am, probably.
 
 
Feeling: hyperrr!!!
Listening To: That 70's Song, The Cab
 
 
Ash
17 June 2012 @ 04:29 pm
I thought I'd get used to it but I'm not.

No, not talking about my dorm. It's been two weeks and I'm slowly transitioning into the routine of it all (though I've never woke up a peep from sleep after a hard day of lectures) so I'm fine. Other than the lack of din-din, I'm fine. It's just...I thought I'd get use to being left out. From high school friends, I thought I'd get use to it and I understood why they didn't invite it but you know...a heads-up would be nice. So it won't suddenly pop out my Facebook newsfeed. That's the last place I want to find out something from. Last place.

I’m writing what happened today here because well, Facebook is a goner and I’m quite sure people can trace my blog from my fb as well (also, the only people I know who reads this is my sis and followers, which whom I all trust.)

When my Physics lecturer, who’ve been teaching the whole lecture in Malay, picked me to answer the difference between average velocity and average acceleration from an example on the slide, I answered, in English“The destination point is the same but the time taken is different.” Everybody else responded very loudly with an array of “Wat?” and “Huh?” Like they never heard of English before.

My question must be wrong because the lecturer asked if someone could ‘help me’, while I sit there, confused, with blood rushing to my cheeks. When no one did, she proceeded to fully explain it in Malay. And according to my friend, a few began to snigger (at me. They were most likely sniggering at me.) And the answer she gave was a more complicated and translated version of my answer. Really. Just really. That’s what I just said. Really. Really. Really.

Another friend later told me that her seatmate inquired: Didn’t Ash answer it already? And she said: Yeah, she did.

But everybody else seem to think that I’m wrong.

Because I answer it in flippin’ simple English.

Oh. Wow. Here is my reaction to this situation entirely.


Yeps.

Let's get out the negative feelings.
But Korra is ending this Saturday and my soul is being crushed like grape.
I'm-I'm-I'm fine.

I should focus really. Yeah, I should.
But tackling  my ridiculously lenghty chemistry tutorial is making me second guess about joining science stream for Medic. Like, can I just jump ship to Arts which I have no problem motivation-wise. Life is so hard. Full of choices.  But to get in Arts, you need money. I don't have money. Zilch. Ayong was right. This is confusing me.

CHEMISTRYYYY.

 
 
Feeling: confused as fuqqq
Listening To: Tangled, Maroon 5
 
 
Ash
It' really hard to sit comfortably on this chair.

I haven't drank real water for dayyyys. It's only tea for me. Is that healthy? Hmm. I don't want to go to the bathroom anyway. I guess I'm loading up on hydration at home. Waking up today, the first thing I thought of was: 1 more day. I didn't feel like getting up, like a block of lead was placed on my chest. Miraculously, I did because I don't want to be late for Maths (ugh) and, heavy-lidded, dressed myself and ate some cookies and went out. We were on time for the bus today and waited for the lecture hall to open.

The lecturer was late but I didn't really mind because my mind was still foggy. When he did came, he told us about our syllabus and continued to teach sets and logic which we already learnt in Maths and Physics. It was pretty okay. He's even going to give us lecture notes when he finished checking it so yeayur now I can focus on finishing the science subjects.

After the lecture, we went to the library and ate, went to the Megalab and read upstairs. I wasn't in the mood for revising basic bio or chem so I read Graffiti Moon which is still onhold in my phone and ohhh my goooodness, it's so good. Some parts, the imagery just make me want to cry because how beautifully simple it was and how I would never write as good as this.

We were on our way back to the dorms, stopping by the cafe for waffles when someone informed that we still have IT lecture this evening. We're like: oh shit. On the way, we marveled that already in the first week, we were late for lecture. It turns out the lecturers were late as well so we just waited while people streamed in, some already dressed out to 1B. The lecturers came and we went through first sem explanation and that's pretty much it so Joyce and I went back to the dorm.

I went online and just had fun.
The XX has been playing non-stop in my head.
I can't wait to come home.
I want to watch Saladin.
 
 
Feeling: gotta pee
Listening To: Islands, The XX
 
 
Ash
06 June 2012 @ 09:52 pm
Keep it in, keep us safe.

I gotta keep my focus on studies. It finally dawned on me how I should focus on studying and nothing else. Ayong said she studied like never before during her year but she told me her usual day routine and she only studied for about 2-3 hours? Like what is that? Really? Really? Haha, never mind.

So today I woke up automatically before my alarm clock so oh whoopee my biological clock is starting to get it. Too bad it's going to get messed up so bad on the weekends. I feel so evil on my own body. Ah well. Anyway, I was on the way to the bus stop with Britt in front of me and the bus left so we're like: welp. We waited for the next bus and Joyce joined us. Our Bio lecture started off just a little late because there was an intro from all our lecturers and tutors. After that, I was surprised she gave us a 20 minute break but she explained that the presentation will have 95 slides and it would take about 3 hours so I'm like: oh, that's reasonable. I settled in with my tea and had a silent moment to recharge myself. The presentation was up and running but when the lecturer mentioned that she will give the softcopy later, I instantly lost interest and listened and jotted whatever she was stressing to review later.

Britt, Joyce and I ate at the library cafe again with some new friends, Jess and Fitri. Oh, okay, I think this was the highlight of the day. Joyce bought ice-cream in a cone and when she's leaning in the counter, it fell right in front the guy who worked there. He was kind enough to give her another one FOC and Joyce told me that he made sure that it stuck well to the cone this time. I bought ice-cream too, it's been ages since I ate peppermint (the taste still lingers at the back of my throat) and it was good to eat something cold for once in a while. I bought lunch after that and took our time.

We went back to our dorms and Britt came down to my room and we talked from 2pm to 4pm. It was mostly about school, supernatural stuff, family. It's been a really long time since I sat with someone and just talked to our hearts content. Later, I bathe and finished my tutorial so all in a day's work of Ashiqin! I can't imagine how swamped I'll be when we'll have set tutorials and lab and extra subjects. But like what Britt said: Just think of Friday. See? Focus.

Sleeping time!
 
 
Feeling: tireddd
Listening To: Crystalized, The XX
 
 
Ash
Stupid internet artist.
Them and their glorious ideas.

I'n just writing this to summarize my two days back in college in full force without any holidays to save me from the learning I'm going to have to do. I want to make this quick (hopefully) because I think it's best for me to catch up on some slides. Great, now a sudden urge to update my LJ profile starts to creep up...though I did finish answering most of my tutorial...no! I will try and finish this.

I can't sleep on Sunday night. I only managed to sleep by 11pm and woke up at 3am and was momentarily tormented of comfortable sleeping positions. I was finally dozing off at 5.16am when...my alarm went off at 5.30am. Wowee. I woke up, regardless and took a bus with Britt to DK4. They gave as a rundown of this week and told us that we'll have no evening classes so yeayur we just have to prepare our scholarship forms and cards though.

We went through a Chem lecture. I can't actually get half the terms because he was speaking in Malay but thank goodness for the slide, I can just study it. We thought we should settle our scholarships so on to the office. Later, we caught a bus to the media centre and we even have to walk a good while until we were there. We appreciated the aircon so much. We found out that we can just activate it online but something went wrong when we tried registering. Everything else flew by my head as I catch up on some Zs on the couch. (The aircon was so nice, okay?)

We waited for the bus on the bus stop but none for our dorm passed by so Brit and...a girl I can't remember the name left walking but I was resolute and waited for the bus with poor Joyce. We waited for two hours and we gave up. I opened my umbrella and we walked home. The next day when Britt asked how we went home, I just answered: We Mary Poppins outta there.

That night, I had no trouble sleeping.

So today huh?
I woke up from a weird dream which involved the Smith couple and a weird hand-groping (see? weird.) and was at the bus stop and I was wondering where Britt was until a bus came so woops I just went in. Later, Britt asked if I saw her missed the bus and I was like no then I laughed. The Physics lecture was all good, still annoyed that we can't converse in English because I rather get used to the terms but ah well, I guess it's understandable too. She already gave us a tutorial tho.

After the lecture, I went to the bathroom near DK4 and goodness, it feels like there's aircon in there! Anyway, we cursed through the sludge---lmao, no, I'm just starting to miss Lit class with Puan Sim---we walked on the rainy tiles to the library because we wanted to check the past exam questions and maybe discover the cafe there. At the third floor, it seemed like they haven't filed the exam questions (currrrrses) so our search was in vain. Though, not quite. We discovered the library cafe and it was a million times better than what we ate before in the university. So going to have lunch there everyday. I ate nasi goreng pataya that made me very nostalgic and that was the first food in the university that actually made me hungry. It costs RM5 though, so I have to save that for special days. I have to ask Ayong about reasonable food prices. I don't even eat dinner no more.

Britt and I waited at the bus stop for an hour (apparently) and when a bus to our dorm finally arrived, we squealed because we were so relieved. I thought we had to walk again. We checked our tutorial and amali group and it looks like we both are in the same places! Yeah! This is awesome! At least I know someone from our groups.

I think I want to make more tea.
Yes.
The song I'm listening to really makes me wanna draw some cowboys. Hot dang.
 
 
Feeling: tea-hungry
Listening To: Walk Away, Dia Frampton